Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples Seattle, WA. Seattle

You're Exhausted.

So is your Relationship.

Therapy for High-Conflict Couples

Online Therapy serving Seattle, the Eastside, and Washington State

Certified Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist

Every relationship has conflict. But yours has started to feel like a cycle you can't escape. The fights come fast, they go hard, and the silence afterward can last for days. You love each other — but lately it's hard to remember what that actually feels like underneath all the noise.

Your nervous system hasn't had a real break in a long time. And neither has your relationship.

Does This Sound like Your Relationship?

Arguments escalate quickly and feel impossible to stop
Raised voices, harsh words, or language you both regret afterward
Long silences or days of withdrawal following a fight
Small disagreements that explode into something much bigger
Feeling like you're walking on eggshells between conflicts
Cycles that repeat — the same fight, over and over, with no resolution
One or both of you shutting down completely when things get intense
Feeling exhausted, hypervigilant, and on edge even on the good days

HOW I WORK

I use Emotionally Focused Therapy as the foundation, but high-conflict work requires more structure than standard couples therapy — and I provide it.

I will interrupt escalation in session. That's not optional. When things start to spiral, I stop it — and we slow down to understand what just happened rather than letting it play out and cause more damage. Virtual therapy requires that both of you take responsibility for your own regulation. I'll help you build that capacity, but I need you to show up willing to try.

I will be direct about what I'm seeing. If one partner's behavior is consistently doing more harm, I'm not going to pretend otherwise in the name of neutrality. I'll name it — clearly, and without judgment — because my job is to work in the interest of your relationship, not to keep everyone comfortable. That means sometimes I'll call something out on behalf of your partner, or on behalf of the relationship itself.

I also won't shame you for the intensity. High-conflict cycles almost always have deeper roots — old wounds, earlier relationship injuries, patterns that long predate the two of you. The anger and reactivity make sense when we understand what's underneath them. We'll slow down enough to find that, and I'll help you learn to hold each other there instead of fight.

High-Conflict Couples Therapy and Marriage Counseling in Seattle and Washington State.

What becomes possible

Conflicts that don't spiral into days of silence and damage
The ability to stop an escalation before it goes too far
Understanding what's actually driving the cycle — for both of you
Feeling safe enough with each other to be honest without it becoming a fight
A relationship where the intensity becomes connection rather than destruction

This is not therapy for every situation.

High-conflict does not mean abusive. If there is physical violence, coercive control, or deliberate actions to assert dominance or intimidate in your relationship, couples therapy is not the appropriate setting — and I will tell you that directly. Safety comes first, always. If that's what's happening, I will help you find the right support.

If what you have is intensity — real, exhausting, damaging intensity that you both want to change — that's what this work is for.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

If you recognized your relationship on this page, you already know that what you're doing isn't working. I can help you navigate the cycle, understand what's driving it, and learn to move through conflict with more connection and less damage.

Schedule Your Consultation Call

How do you work when things get intense in session?

I intervene. I don't let escalation run unchecked — not because conflict is bad, but because unstructured conflict in session rarely produces insight and often causes more damage. When things start to heat up I'll interrupt, slow it down, and redirect us toward what's actually happening underneath the intensity. That's where the real work is.

What if one partner is carrying a lot of resentment and won't engage in session?

Resentment is almost always protective — it's what happens when someone has been hurt enough times that staying guarded feels safer than trying again. I don't push past it or dismiss it. I work to understand it, and I help your partner understand it too. Resentment that gets seen and acknowledged tends to soften over time. What keeps it locked in place is feeling like no one's taking the hurt seriously. That's something we can change.

Are you someone who sits back and listens, or will you get involved and be direct?

Direct. I'm not a blank slate and I'm not going to nod along while the same painful cycle plays out in front of me. I'll name what I'm seeing, point out patterns as they happen, and tell you honestly what I think is getting in the way. I'll do all of that with care — but I won't withhold it in the name of keeping everyone comfortable. That's not the kind of therapy that moves the needle.